diluc was one of the first genshin characters i ever saw. he immediately interested me, but i didn't act on it for a while.
all of my friends were into it, and i wasn't. eventually, i got tired of not understanding what was going on, and i downloaded the game.
i think, while the game was downloading, i started reading the manga. i got sucked in quickly, and before i knew it, i had grown obsessed.
diluc was still the character who caught my attention the most. seemingly cold and uncaring, but i knew there was more.
there was much more. he hides his feelings, he feigns normalcy, but inside there is something eating him alive. weirdly, i'm not much different, though it sounds strange.
i couldn't put the game down, but i felt sad once i had exhausted the archon quest and side quests in mondstadt.
even now, i don't leave for long. i keep my commissions located there, i make sure when i log off, it isn't far from "home."
sometimes, too, i'll wander away and find myself at dawn winery. it's silly, how this works.
i created a self-insert oc to pair with him. galatea angelis, a rabbit girl who knows little of the world outside of her home and church.
since creating her, she's become somewhat of a vessel to pour my woes into. i find that i'm understanding myself more and more, and healing alongside the character.
and diluc is still at the center of it all. i know that even without him, i would have gotten this far eventually, but i still think that it's him who ultimately gave me the ability to process my trauma and emotions.
he's like my little guardian angel. it's embarrassing, wholly and truly embarrassing, but i can't stop it, not really. i've decided to toss aside that embarrassment, however, and live my life being true to myself.
he likes to visit me in my dreams, lately, and i wake up feeling more longing than i really should. real people don't entirely interest me and yet, i still wish i could have someone i hold this dear who is fully real and alive. i'm not that lonely, though, despite it all.
i have friends on the internet, and they all support me and care for me even if i am obsessed with a man from a gacha game, and that's all that matters.
diluc, to me, really is the sun. he's warm, despite the way he presents himself. i've always compared myself to the moon, and so, in my head it's like we were made for each other.
one could view this shrine as the ramblings of a mad woman. i'm inclined to agree, but i think it's great that i finally have something i'm truly passionate about, after years of depression-induced apathy.
it's been two years since i first met diluc. next april, on the 25th, it will be our three-year anniversary. i hope that even then, i'll continue to write, and draw, and have real, genuine fun. i hope it remains the same, even after four years, or five, or ten. i want to keep a tight hold on my passion, and never let go.
if it isn't obvious, he does mean the world to me. i don't really care if people make fun of me, if my friends secretly judge me.
though i put my faith in them that they wouldn't, anyway.
sometimes i get lost in daydreams. it's when i'm happiest. it's always him that i dream of, forgetting about my worries and the world around me, and playing pretend.
"but i'm always dreaming, even when i'm awake; it is never finished." - peter s. beagle, the last unicorn. (though i haven't read the book yet, it is my favorite quote.)
it rings true for me, at least. i will say, falling in love with someone who isn't real has surely done terrors on my daydreaming condition.
nonetheless, i'm trying not to get too far away from reality for too long.
diluc is the kindest person i've never met. it doesn't always come off that way, but he cares for those around him more than he would ever let on.
he loves people so much it could destroy him, and he would happily fall to ruin if it means keeping his loved ones safe.
i, too, love so wholly and fully that it could drag me to my own demise. and maybe that's why it's so appealing, i don't really know.
i think about all of the progress i've made and it drives me a bit insane, that it wouldn't have happened this quickly had i not fallen in love.
it's an obsession, for sure, but the things i create from it are invaluable to me. i hope that, if you read my works, or view my art, you can see the amount of love and the amount of my self i've put into them.
i think i'll update this page again in the future, but for now...
thank you for reading thus far.
